Week Two Update

The weekly update on what's happening here in New Zealand: it is rainy and cold. Evidently it rains like all the time during the winter. There were a couple of nice temperature days, but now it's back to being cold (or at least Morgan's definition of cold). You can tell how cold it is based on how many layers I have on. I love my house and roommates a lot! We call ourselves The Brick House Grannies because a) we're the group of the oldest girls b) we're usually in bed by like 9pm. We call each other family at this point- we really do life together. We actually just had a family game night playing Life, and it was a blast!
I'm not sure if I've introduced her to this blog or not, but this is MiMi, the kitten. She actually belongs with us here at the house (we have a family who lives here with us, and she is their kitten). She absolutely loves attention, and curls up in my lap every time I'm outside. This picture was taken after Jasmine grabbed her from outside and put her in my lap as I was curled up reading in the living room. MiMi promptly laid down and went to sleep, and managed to "punch" me several times with her paw during her nap.

This was the rainbow from Sunday. The cool part was that I had a conversation with Hannah the night before on how rainbows were the symbolism of God's promise never to flood the earth again, so then I saw this magnificent rainbow! It was awesome!

This was our first week of lectures, and it's been interesting to say the least. Before I go into all of that, I encourage you to watch this video by Brene Brown on shame, as what I'm about to say it tied to that subject. We actually watched this video as a family this evening after Life. I've seen it before, but it was so good again! A good reminder.

The overarching theme for the week was Repentance and Lordship, but we spent a ton of time on repentance and lies of the enemy. There are 6 main strongholds that affect most people (of course there are more. These are the main overarching, most people have, kind of deal): self-hatred, passivity, shame, rejection, envy/jealousy, and fear. Yes, after praying about the list, I found that I have all 6. It actually didn't take prayer- I knew straight off the bat. It's a tough pill to swallow. There is a lot of hurt from my past that has yet to really be dealt with. After watching Dr. Brown's talk again, I'd probably say that shame is the overarching stronghold that likes to fuel the others, not always though. Shame is a nasty beast. I have lived in a place of "I'm not good enough," which was enforced for me in a variety of arenas. On another day, we prayed through the strongholds. Then, the speaker had us stand on our chairs (it was actually very empowering) and allow God to speak to us individually to replace the lies that we are believing about ourselves related to the strongholds. To hear God say "You are deeply loved, you are chosen and cherished, you are My daughter, you don't have to strive. You. Are. Good. Enough." Man, that started to cut to the core of my being. It hit those hurt places and have begun a good work there. Those aren't words that I have heard often, so to hear them and just begin to accept them is huge for me. I have lived life in a very closed off walled off fashion, so prior to that moment, there's no way I could have accepted it. I might just have to stand on chairs to talk to God more often! ;)
God is teaching me too personally a lot about vulnerability- the degree of transformation you want is equal to the degree to which you are vulnerable. You want life transformation, you have to be vulnerable. Trust me, that wasn't a teaching I wanted to hear. I don't like to be vulnerable. But Dr. Brown said it perfectly- vulnerability isn't weakness. I have spent 23 years believing that it was (and I've seen this TED talk before! More than once actually!) Vulnerability brings innovation, creativity, and change. The key is that it has to be real vulnerability. It can't be faked (I'm real good at faking it.). Real vulnerability is when I have to sit down with a friend and say, "Hey. The enemy fed me the lie that you weren't going to love me, and so I distanced myself from you. I realize that was a lie. You will love me for me and I can't wait to see what God had in store." Yeah, I had that conversation today. It's humbling. But yet it's freeing incredibly freeing. Real vulnerability means that I let God and people in, take an emotional risk, and find incredible freedom there. It's. Awesome.

A Pure Heart

This week has been really awesome! Tons of adventures and new experiences with new people! Thursday night our house hiked to an area kinda close to the waterfall where there are glow worms. I totally felt like an explorer as we're tromping through the jungle at night with it pitch black except for our flashlights. The glow worms were awesome! Something that only God could have created. The stars here are breath taking. We spent some time as a house last night after our hike to just enjoy the stars. Being that we are in the countryside, there is almost no light pollution, so the stars are just brilliant. I think we even pointed out a planet because things are so clear.

At the house, we have so much fun. We eat a lot of eggs for breakfast, and we always have faces drawn on the eggs. This morning Cason and I (Noga helped at the end) drew the new faces on the eggs, so it just so happened that Monster appeared on some ;)

Wednesday-Friday, we spent time as a school sharing life stories and praying for each person that shared. We essentially prayed for 8 hours a day, split with a lunch break in the middle. I have never prayed so much in my life, and praying for 8 hours is exhausting. All of us at the house called ourselves the grandma's because we were in bed by 9pm every night (Wednesday night I was asleep with the lights on in the room at 8:15......). But it has been so powerful to see people gain insight and inner healing, including myself. It has really knit us closer together as a school and a group, which is awesome.

This week during our "Intimacy with God," aka: quiet time, I, personally, have been hanging out in Psalm 51:10-12. I can't say that I have an new revelations different from anyone else, but I'm fascinated with how much dependence on God is shown in those few verses. "Create in me a pure heart....grant me a willing spirit." First and foremost, David recognizes that he cannot do it himself- he cannot make his heart pure, he cannot conjure up a willing spirit. He recognizes an absolute dependence on God to make these things happen. I love the last line, "...grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." David recognized that an obstinate, stubborn spirit is not life sustaining, it only brings frustration and chaos. I've learned that lesson one too many times.

This morning, as I was hanging out at the "pure heart" part, I asked God what exactly that looked like. What is pure heart exactly? Listening to all of the life stories and knowing my own, I had that question of what exactly does that look like? When David wrote this Psalm, it was after he had committed adultery, so what is a pure heart? There are things in life that cannot be erased exactly, though they may be forgiven and wiped clean. I think God answered my question in the absolutely most unexpected way. We sat down for lunch today, and I sat down next to Elana, who is 10. She is the daughter of the DTS director. Their family lives close to the base, and it is not uncommon to see her and her brother running around. Note too that I have never spoken to Elana before lunch today; I had simply seen her around. I sat down and asked her name (because I couldn't remember what it was) and how old she was, and introduced myself. She picks up this little stem of baby daffodils that she had just picked from the garden, and she hands them to me to smell. I told her how beautiful the were and how good they smell. She then passes them to Cason, who is sitting right next to me to smell. Afterward, Elana takes them and places them in my hair for me to keep. It blew me away. These were her flowers. She had just picked them, and she freely without question, without explanation, gives them away in just a loving, kind, gentle way. If that is not a pure heart, then I don't know what is. Maybe a pure heart is loving people in the most genuine way. If David had genuinely loved Bathsheba, then he wouldn't have committed adultery with her because he would have honored her and respected her and seen her the way that God sees her. A heart like Elana's is a pure heart.

My prayer this week has been those verses in Psalm 51, that God would create a pure heart within me, that would grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

Some Pictures

 The little waterfall

 My backyard from the deck

 To the little waterfall

The sunrise this morning