Another week over and finished! I remember as a kid, it seemed like each week lasted a really long time. Now, as an adult, time just continually seems to go faster. I've been in New Zealand for 7 weeks. It doesn't seem like that long at all!
I will start with a prayer request- I am currently sick. I have picked up a virus somewhere, and it is not a lot of fun. I really want to be able to give my all this week, and being sick is not a part of that. So, pray that I get over this very quickly. Thank you!!!
This week was really rather interesting. I'm going to start towards the end and go backwards. As you know, Friday morning, there was an earthquake. It's really humorous to hear what we were all thinking in our half awake states about what was going on as our beds were shaking. Later that morning, we were doing our usual Friday morningworship. I was thinking about the earthquake, and my favorite verse came to mind- "For when you did awesome things that we did not expect, you came down and the mountains trembled before you." Isaiah 64:3. I love this verse and how it speaks about God's unexpected powerful works and about Him coming down. I've held onto this verse since I found it in high school and routinely go back to it. I asked God during worship what He was doing- the mountains trembled before Him (earthquake), so what, God, are you doing? What are your awesome, unexpected things? I really felt Him say to just wait and see, that part of it was for our school, that He is going to do something so awesome within our school. He reminded me in that time of a story of Daniel- Daniel is praying and an angel comes to him and says that as soon as he started praying, an answer was released, and the angel came as a part of that. Especially Tuesday night, we really spent some time praying about what we want to see God do in our school, and He's saying, "I've already released an answer, I've already come down and the mountains trembled, now just wait and see as heaven meets earth." I'm really excited to see what He has in store for us next!
This week has really been impactful for me personally. The week was on identity and calling. I have a relatively decent grasp on my calling. I've known that for quite a while. I've known that God has called me to be a nurse, I've known that He has called me to missions in some capacity (right now, it is looking like on a short term basis), I've known that He has called me to DTS as a part of it all, I've known He has called me to where I live and where I go to church. I've understood a bit about calling. Identity is a whole other story- something that I have a very poor grasp on. I constantly try to find my identity in my job, in my activities, in my relationships, in something that will give me some level of significance among 7 billion people. God has not designed us to find identity in those things- we aren't designed to find identity as a nurse, as a human daughter, as a wife, as a mom, as a hard worker, as a world traveler, you name it. We are designed to find our identity in Him alone. The second that we try to find our identity in something else, it all falls apart. I know that lesson all too well.
Over the past few months, there has been quite the struggle within me, and this week really provided the answers to why. My prayer is that this story will help you as well. One of the issues for me of 2016 is keeping God in the number one spot, and everyone and everything else below that. As this week has pointed out to me, I have lived essentially my entire life in a state of deep loneliness. I felt very lonely at home growing up and I made poor friend choices, so I learned to throw my walls up and learned to live in that loneliness. Attached with that was a very low sense of belonging, value, and significance. All of this together creates a poor identity.
I have always struggled to trust God- I knew He loved me and "knew the plans He had for me," but I was also waiting for Him to give up on me and say that I was a disappointment. Thankfully, He has radically changed all of that within the last few weeks. I didn't trust Him, and so I put Tammy in His place- I can see her and talk to her and hear her audibly. I can also somewhat predict her and her actions. I wanted her to fill those areas of that I was lacking in my identity. I wanted helping her pull off an event to give me significance and value. I wanted being apart of the family to give me belonging, and even significance and value as well. But it falls short every time. Why? Because I'm trying to fit her into a God-shaped hole. She isn't God, so she can't fill the hole. As an adult, these deficits are only fixed by God, Himself. You have to allow Him to give identity.
On the recommendation of our speaker this week, I've been going through Ephesians searching for "in Christ" or sometimes "through Christ," and searching for my identity in Christ. He has identity for me. He can repair my lack of belonging, value, significance, and loneliness. I love what Ephesians 4:22-24 says, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." I am being taught a new way of thinking, a new way of viewing myself, a new way of viewing God, and the amazing things that He has for me and those around me. I'm being taught that my identity must be found in Him for relationships and things to work. My identity cannot be found as a nurse, as a human daughter, as an event worker, as a friend. My identity has to be found in being the daughter of the King of kings, and the identity that He has for me.
